So Your Friend Is Moving Overseas

When I began telling my friends and family about my call to foreign work, they were excited for me and supportive, but I could tell they didn’t quite always know how to be supportive. It was a new adventure for all of us. I was the first one of my family and group of friends to embark on such a journey. As I’ve shared stories with other friends, I know they’ve had similar experiences. So I thought I’d compile a list and share some do’s and don’ts of having an expat in your life. 

When we are about to leave:

Don’t spend time telling us how unsafe it is. Have you looked around America lately? Mass shootings, drive-bys, obesity... the rest of the world is looking pretty good. And we’re not going because we think it’s safe. We’re going because we’ve laid down our own lives for the sake of the gospel. Asking us if it’s safe only gives an opportunity for doubt to creep in. 

Do spend time with us. I know you’re confused and sad and don’t want to see us go. We have those feelings, too. It’s scary to leave behind the safe bubble of home and head out into the unknown. I know you may feel like you don’t know how to talk to us about that, but don’t be afraid to try. Help research our new cities. Come along on shopping trips and visa appointments. Get down on the floor and tell me how much my suitcase weighs after the fourth try. We’ll remember these times, and it’ll help you, too. 

When we are abroad:

Don’t think you have to send expensive packages. They are appreciated, of course. But a sweet letter at the right time can mean just as much. Or hearing your voice on skype, or getting a random email with a silly family picture. My friends used my prayer card a Flat Stanley and took pictures with it to show me what we would be doing if I were home. Those pictures always made me laugh. 

Do pray for us. 

Do tell us you are praying. While I was overseas, I sent out a monthly(ish) prayer letter. I had about three people that regularly responded, telling me they were praying for me. As a result, I assumed that about three people were praying for me. I loved these people and was thankful for them. However, probably the easiest weapon the enemy can use to discourage workers is loneliness. When I returned to the States, I don’t even know how many people told me “I prayed for you every night” “Our class prayed for you every week,” and it went on and on. I was extremely humbled to know that so many people had prayed for me while I was overseas. But I can think of many dark days where I wish I had known I had all those prayer warriors in my corner. So when you get those letters, or when your friend is on your mind, let them know! It makes a difference.

Don’t encourage us to quit. When you talk with your friends as they adjust to overseas living, you will hear many stories. Some will make you laugh, some will fascinate you, many will break your heart. As we get deeper into culture, learn more about our teammates, and learn more about ourselves, life gets difficult. When it seems impossible, we need the people in our corners to remind us of God’s calling and the truths of Scripture. Please be that person. Not the person that says, “Well, sounds like you should just come back to America.” 

Do come visit. I know it’s expensive and flying across the world is daunting. But there is nothing that you can put into a care package that will mean more to your friends and family than you actually going in person. We love to show you our news homes, introduce you to our friends, our favorite foods, show you all of the exciting corners of town we’ve discovered. You may spend the whole time walking around with wide eyes in confusion, but your familiar presence and listening ears will be a huge encouragement. You might also be surprised at how you are forever changed. 

When we return stateside.

Don’t ask “how was your trip?” Please. We have completely moved away and readjusted every inch of our lives. A “trip” is what you take to the beach for a week. There is no way we can answer any question like this in the span of time you have. If you really want to know how the past years of your friend’s life have been, proceed to numbers two and three. If you don’t really want to know: the good, the bad, the ugly... if you’re just looking to hear a funny story about gross food, then ask “What’s the weirdest food you ate?” and leave it there. 

Do take us out for Mexican. Or... do go out of your way to spend time with us and include us. Reverse culture shock is a thing. Once again your friends have lost everything they identify with. Offer them multiple chances to re-connect with you and not feel like an outside in their own homes. 

Do listen. We’re so sorry. Really. We know we sound crazy, and we won’t shut up. But everything is different and weird again, and we have to compare it to our experience overseas. We need you to listen so we can have a healthy adjustment.

Don’t be offended if we seem to snub you or your way of life. It’s not intentional. America is an overwhelming place. And the move from living around constant need and in a place where a routine grocery trip is a full day event, to having free time and seeing so much excess is difficult and jarring. We don’t actually think you should take out your indoor plumbing and get an out-house squatty. But if you do... please invite me over. 

To my other worker friends: can you think of other do's and don'ts to add?